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There is a spectacle that I have observed in several of the individuals I have worked with who have been hurt in traumatic ways or repetitively over their lifetime. This spectacle is doubting the obvious. How many children, who come from physical, emotional, or sexually abusive homes begin to doubt that the actions of the abuser is unethical. Even in the most blatant cases of physical and sexual abuse, the child begins to observe their hurt as part of the natural course of life. Over time, they either learn to dissociate from the mistreatment or end up acting in ways that places the focus or culpability on them. Many people look to Parenting Skills resources for help.

In the more subtle incidences, children receive destructive messages from their caretakers that they are nuisances and that they are to be seen and not heard. They are deprived of nurturing and affection when they demonstrate they have a need to be addressed. In early childhood, children begin to detach from others or demonstrate anger in answer to their frustrations. Numerous times, parents under stress set off to make their children feel to blame for their daily struggles of parenthood. Children begin to feel the day after day stress of an adult’s existence devoid of the coping aptitudes to handle these adult themes. A lot of families nurture their children well and take great care not to bequeath their children negative messages. With a developing number of single parent households and the higher expectations placed in the workplace, parents will have events when they take out their frustrations on their children. There is also a substance abuse crisis with adults, many of which have children. The probability of abuse and hurt increases dramatically in these households where a parent is abusing drugs or alcohol. If abuse of children transpires on a consistent basis with the parent not acknowledging their unjust acts, their children will begin to internalize that they have acted in ways to cause their parent to be furious at them.

We all realize the paradox that lives for parents and their children. Parents are getting older and feeling more fatigued as our children are gaining more momentum. Placing children in front of TVs, PCs, and video games have been a replyto this paradox in countless cases today. This has been the children’s outlet for their school day and their interactions with others during the day. This begins the series of children not being able to process their life and increase skills to handle their conflicts and hurts in and out of the home. As they grow older to adolescence, they begin to feel more disconnected to their parents and begin to emulate the role models they choose for companions. In scores of families I have worked as a counselor, I have observed a “tug of war” between the parent and child where numerous negative messages are shared back and forth. The teenager, many times, is looking for answers to their life but only receive unhelpful messages that they will not grow up to amount to anything. Of course, parents declare this out of anger and frustration; however, the adolescent does not know this proclamation is not true. This is mostly the case in families where reparation and problem solving is not practiced. Without the guidance from a reliable adult, many teenagers become enormously insecure and self-doubting. They circle to their friends for foundation and comfort. You probably see what can take place from there. These families need to adopt a system for teaching and evaluating expectations of one another based on solid foundation of values and morals. There must also be a method for hurts to be addressed and atoned for to create an environment that values responsibility, accountability, and reconciliation. Find out more at Parenting Help Blog.